Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
