his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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