Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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