I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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