it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
