My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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