he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
