he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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