I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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