i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
