I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
