youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
