I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
