Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
