Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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