I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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