even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
