Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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