ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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