8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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