my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?