Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Me too!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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