Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.