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• (410): View more from Maryland

  He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze

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  The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped

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• (631): View more from New York

  Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech

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  19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?

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