If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.