my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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