soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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