Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
