He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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