At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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