So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
