You're so nebulous sometimes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
