we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
