Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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