i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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