Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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