he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
