Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
