I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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