My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
