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Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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