Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
