He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
