Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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