No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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