last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
