I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
