I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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