I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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