The maid of honor just puked.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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