You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize