Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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