honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
