In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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