I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
