Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
