Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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