I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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