A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
