You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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