I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
