Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Enjoy the penises
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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