I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize