he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
